Sites of the day
Test your vision to see if you are color-blind. Save the children from Michael Jackson in this set of three flash games. In the third, you control Hitler. What the?

Here's the stuff that I did last night
6:30pm last night. 35 degree summer heat. My bedroom is more like 50 degrees, and I'm finding it hard to sleep. The obligatory phone call from someone wakes me up. Ben's having a "games night" of some description and is inviting people over to his new apartment in Brunswick.

There weren't any real "games" to speak of, just a bit of beer drinking, wine sampling and stories to tell. Everyone there had met John Elliott in some capacity and each had a tale of his child-like arrogance (pigs arse!). Lara, who was catering at the Brownlow at Colonial this year, told of how he had to exit the giant marquee to have a smoke outside like a schoolkid, and refused to butt out. When served his meal later on, the ineberiated then-Carlton president came out with "Take that shit away from me. Somebody get me a pie."

Then there was the story about a guy from Serbia who was renting here, who cut a whole out of his wall to put his TV in so it wouldn't take up space in the bedroom. He didn't realise you weren't allowed to cut giant holes in walls while renting. And of course, with the Australian Open coming up, the infamous shirt ripping perfomance of Ben after a certain Andrew Ille game, set and match got a thorough re-telling.

Not much else to report really except that Ben himself wasn't really around much, he was too busy socialising with the other neighbours in the street, one of whom apparently had words in texta (which I won't repeat here) all over his naked body. His explanation: "my girlfriend was snorting a few lines off my chest before and I thought it would be cooler this way."

By the end of the night everyone fell asleep in front of a Janet Jackson DVD (The Michael Jackson one was scratched up and didn't play properly). 'Twas fun but and Ben invited us to come back again soon.

Thou shalt not judge, er, rate out of ten, lest ye be rated out of ten...
OK, OK, so < cliche > beauty is in the eye of the beholder < /cliche >. But Hot or Not is an amusing little distraction that lets you rate the pics of anonymous guys and girls somewhere out there in Internetland on a scale of 1 to 10. See how your personal tastes differ to conform to the tastes of masses. Back to work. After a few more clicks.

My favourite song for today
"Seventeen" by Ladytron

They only want you when you're seventeen.
When you're twenty-one, you're no fun.
They take a Polaroid and let you go.
Say they'll let you know. So come on.

I don't want to even think about turning 21.

"Sayonara", "Tanoshinde ne", to iu koto
Last night was spent at a bbq farewelling Sarah, who is off to Japan for 3 weeks. She has promised me that she will update her newly-published-yet-relatively- unupdated blog, The Life of Sarah, while in the land of the ganguro (OK, so maybe a little I'm out of touch with Tokyo teen fashion). I'm a cultural connoisseur when it comes to all the craziness Japan has to offer. For proof of this craziness, feast your eyes on the newest craze in Japanese arcade games, Boong-ga Boong-ga.

Anyway what was good about this evening is that so many familiar faces put in an appearance. It was interesting to see characters such as Joulesy, Jimmy, Matta and Toomsy in their element, i.e. intoxicated, once more. But the highlight of the night was undoubtedly the religion-based debates/lectures from a bearded preacher who shall remain nameless for fear of reprisal. Not drinking, I found myself, a loyal employee of the Bombay Taxi Service, going on two Safeway trips: the first in search of alcohol, the second a quest for cigarettes.

The cigarette mission featured the aforementioned preacher trying to convince the checkout chick that he was, in fact, the original E.T. Forgetting which brand Sarah requested, he returned with two packs, not remembering how or why he returned with two packets when she only asked for one. "The employee there was inadequate," was his excuse. Amen.

'Kiss Kiss' star makes trotting debut
Reading the Herald Sun formguide this morning, I notice that a trotter by the name of Holly Valance is running at Shepparton harness tonight (Race 8, No. 1). Hopefully this animal is more talented than her pop-tart namesake. It's the horse's first start, and according to Hutchy, it's a Anthony Crossland trained 3 year-old filly and is a half sister to top colt Murmansk. She was placed at Yarra Valley trials last weekend. I might dump some shrapnel on the equine incarnation of Miss Valance, and I'll let you know how she runs. And yes, being the trots, not the dogs, I have missed many an opportunity for the obvious cheap jokes.

Heil Gamblor
Wow. Not only is this Nation States thing a hilarious way to kill time, it also (unless i'm delusional, which is entirely probable) provides an accurate reflection of your personality. For instance, my country, The People's Republic of Kaiasland changed overnight from a Socialist Democracy to a Corrupt Dictatorship. My mum sometimes says I'm Hitler-like when taking control of my brothers. Hmm. This morning I log on to find that it has the 30th (out of 21,934 nations) largest gambling industry in the world. Not bad for a tiny nation of 6 million cynical citizens.

Past my bedtime
8:30am. It's past my bedtime. Went for a relaxing 4:45am walk through the streets of 3088. The streets I have known for half my life. The big concrete car wash. A sentimental mood. Loose prosiac flow inspired by some happy music i'm listening to... "Lucidity" by Kinobe. It goes like this:

i heard a great story once,
to get across the point that the earth really is alive.

if you were to interview a butterfly,
standing on the branch of a sequoia tree.

now, a butterfly lives for only a few days,
and a sequoia tree
can live for over a thousand years.

if you were to ask the butterfly:
do you perceive the object on which you are standing
as being alive?
the butterfly would say:
of course not, i've been here all my life
- which is all of five days -
and the tree hasn't done a thing.

well its the same problem with a human being.
if you were to ask a person,
perhaps someone that's lived for over a hundred years,
if they perceive the earth
- which is really 5 billion years old -
as being alive,
they'd say of course not.
i've been here my whole life,
& it hasn't done a thing.

the earth really is alive.
the earth really is alive.
butterfly.
butterfly.
butterfly.

butterfly,

standing on the branch
of a sequoia tree
the earth really is alive.

No, I'm not high. Just sleepy and mellow. Chillout music perfects my mood. 8:30am. Time for bed.

Googlism Of The Day: "God"
God is love
God is dead
God is still
God is living in Japan
God is me
God is faithful
God is awesome
God is our CEO
God is one in the Holy trinity
God is my partner
God is not responsible
God is near
God is a playtpus
God is not a pit stop
God is known
God is a thug
God is good
God is first
God is in control
God is great
God is in the city
God is light
God is marching on
God is a killer
God is impossible
God is within you
God is a lie
God is for gays
God is not enough
God is eating well
God is more vicious
God is that of human consciousness
God is a masturbator
God is faithful
God is for us
God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our lord
God is an awesome god
God is a big NASCAR fan
God is a DJ on the ABC
God is made of soap

President Kaias addresses the nation...
Okay, I'm officially on the Nation States bandwagon.

The People's Republic of Kaiasland is a tiny, socially progressive nation, notable for its absence of drug laws. Its hard-nosed population of 5 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Social Welfare, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 30%, but much higher for the wealthy. A tiny private sector is dominated by the Soda Sales industry.

Crime is relatively low. Kaiasland's national animal is the burdie, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the buck.

Movie Review: Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers
Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers was awesome. If you haven't already seen it, stop whatever you're doing and go see it now. I'll post a proper review of it in a few days' time.

Movie Review: Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets
Christmas Day at Knox.

Christmas Eve relative evasion-related hi-jinks
As scribbled on the blackboard, I had to run or hide. Relatives were coming over. Specifically, my youngest brother Daniel's Greek Godfather and his wife, who come over at a random time around each Christmas, without fail, giving one hour's notice beforehand via a phone call. At 2pm we got "the call."

My dad was out shopping, so mum was frantically cleaning the house up while I continued to blog and surf and such. I had until 3pm to make myself scarce. Unfortunately, due to my shocking online procrastination I didn't get into the shower until 2:45pm and when I emerged clothed ready to drive outta there to anywhere else, it was exactly 3pm. They arrived on the dot.

It's not that I dislike these people. They are nice people and all, and it's a good thing that they have the courtesy to visit each Christmas. (My Godfather never comes over for Christmas although we do go to the footy with him.) It's just that I have nothing at all to talk about. And they can't speak much English, so my dad is talking or translating in Greek half the time so just sitting in the room there for two or three hours is my definition of a holiday in hell.

I managed a quick getaway after the following brief exchange:
Me: Hi. Merry Christmas.
The Godfather: Hello Andrew.
Me: Uh, I'm Peter...
The Godfather: Oh, Peter, How are you? How was Japan?
Me: Yeah, good... I gotta go now, bye, Merry Christmas
The same guy had asked the "How was Japan?" question last Christmas, since when I haven't been back to Japan, so he either has a bad memory or couldn't think of anything else about me to ask. Social interaction at its most painful. I don't think I came across as rude or anything, I just wanted out of there.

So anyway I ended up at good ol' dependable Ricohet, where I beat Damo 4 games to 3 despite some shocking play from both of us. That lasted until 7pm, and just to make sure they weren't still there I dropped Damo home then went over to Nick's bungalow and watched DVDs w/ Nick, Fozzie and Kyle until 1am. What DVDs? The first half of Star Wars Episode 2, which turned about to be very unimpressive on a 34cm screen, followed by the mildly amusing 10 Things I Hate About You and the pilot episode of Red Dwarf. Got home around 1:30 and unwrapped my prezzies.

Somehow I don't think I'll be able to escape the family 'festivities' again today as eating at the table at Christmas lunch is *mandatory*. I even get woken up if I'm still in bed at midday... oh well better get some sleep if I want to survive it. Merry Christmas to ye all.

Happy Festivus!
Wishing everyone a safe and happy Festivus: a holiday for the rest of us! :) When Festivus takes place, families and friends get together at the dinner table and eat a meal which is followed by 'The Airing of Grievances'. During this time, we share with family and friends all the ways they have disappointed us over the past year.

Putting words into people's mouths
After days of wallowing in the addictive habit that is procrastination, I finally got around to working today. I'm writing two articles for the Australian Jumps Racing Association's annual journal, which is printed on January 2 each year, so one can see how fine I am cutting it. Not that it's all my fault, it seems the editor also likes to leave things to the last minute, which is OK by me but can get a little stressful. Anyway, I think I learned something about investigative journalism this arvo: basically it is two things:
1. finding out new information you need, and
2. getting the person to say what you want them to say.
Armed with my MD player and a microphone, I called the owner of the horse that won the world's richest steeplechase in Japan this year. He was on the golf course when I called, and turned out to be a nice bloke. It was comical to hear him say, "I'll just take this shot," and swing only to hear profanities a second later as the ball hits the trees, yet within 30 seconds the interview continues where it had left off. Anyway I was mainly out to get a few basic quotes, but you can't print something unless the person actually says it. So a lot of it is about trying to put words into peoples' mouths which can become frustrating. But if you get a few decent usable sound-bytes out of a ten-minute interview, you're doing well. Maybe I can get a gig on A Current Affair, all they basically do is get a few interesting/provocative sound-bytes to promote ad nauseum. Well, just thought the above needed blogging, now it's back to work or sleep, whichever strikes me as more necessary... guess which one.

Harry Potter fans,
Do you think the feature film Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone was original? Well here's the template that was used... look familiar?

‘Tunes’ section introduced in attempt to increase readership
I briefly review the good and the bad of what's on rotation in my WinAmp playlist. Check it out on the right-hand black panel, under the Blackboard. I'll update it every now and then. While I'm on the topic, has anyone actually heard this Cheeky Girls song yet? I can't get over how bad it is. Here are lyrics, which were apparently written by their mother 15 minutes before their audition with record executives. Oh, and the girls aren't all that attractive either so there's no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Um, hi, my computer is making a weird hissing noise...
Was the query a Queensland techie received. Just look at this and judge for yourself whether it's real or fake. Scary if it is real (No, there is no p0rn involved!)

Hello!? Is anybody out there?

Ain't not much discussion goin' on in the old' GNf blog this week. That makes me sad. Okay, so I haven't really bothered blogging anything interesting for a while but my creative juices will flow again, I assure you. Just add some comments people, before I throw the towel in and convert this blog into a hard-core p0rn site...

Ballot Box
The fallout from Monday night's memorable game of Taboo continues... Let me set the scene for you. In the picturesque setting of Eltham McDonald's parking lot, somewhere between a pile of discarded burger wrappers of and a puddle of what I hope is special sauce, we sit in a Hyundai Excel singing along to that Sugababes song for the 19th time that day. (Okay, so this is what my tutor said about being too wordy?) After the fifth consecutive Ballet Box joke, someone lets slip that the incident has been broadcast to the world (okay, maybe only the 5 or 6 people who read this blog) via the Net. Next thing I know the honourable Mr Folwell is threatening to sue me for defamation, claiming his mother is native African, and linking his name to a picture of PNG-born Melbourne Storm star damages his good name. I offered to remove the offending link, but Mr Folwell says it's ok, but later threatens legal action again. wtf!? I eagerly await the mail in expectation of a 'cease and desist' from Slater & Gordon.

GNf Racing Update
GNf Racing has been updated for Saturday's Christmas meeting at Moonee Valley.
DISCLAIMER: GNf takes no legal responsibility for losses incurred following the advice of this web service. All care should be taken to check details at your local TAB outlet. If gambling is a problem for you, G-LINE is a confidential, anonymous and free counselling service. FREECALL 1800 633 635

Movie Review: Die Another Day
Tightarse Tuesday was spent at Knox viewing the latest instalment in the 007 franchise, Die Another Day. The 'Vmax' cinema (cheap marketing ploy to imitate Imax) was actually rather impressive. The seats were comfy and spacious with lots of legroom, and the Dolby surround sound was top notch. But on to the actual flick:

Pierce Brosnan put in his usual performance as Bond: somewhere between charming and smug. However, despite the rave reviews, the casting of Halle Berry as femme fatale-cum-undercover agent Jinx didn't really work for me. Halle may be a decent actress, but an action star she ain't. The stock standard innuendo-loaded exchanges between Brosnan and Berry were forced and unorganic.

Rosamund Pike, however, put in a convincing and sensual performance as demure undercover agent Miranda Frost, who also ends up in Bond's bed.

Die Another Day is basically a series of explosions and eye candy slapped together in a away which is enjoyable but ultimately forgettable. The trademark 00-agent gadgetry is there, but the invisible car is really taking it a bit far, despite the 'millions of tiny cameras' explanation John Cleese rolls off: what next... time travel?

All in all, the movie was an enjoyable two hour-or-so sensory distraction that will make a fun video game. Nothing really thought-provoking (unless you extrapolate on the topical North Korean nuclear weapons theme). Next time at the movies: part two of the Lord of the Rings saga.

Site of the Day
Treat Menu The story of one creative prankster who decided to take advantage of a free slot on McDonald's menu board. This idea is great, how about some new ones for the New Tastes Menu... Any ideas people?

GNf Racing Update
Check the 'Best Bets' column in GNf Racing. GNf now offers best bets for every Australian gallops meeting (until the time comes when I can't be bothered doing it anymore)...
If Gambling is causing you problems call G-LINE yada yada yada too drunk right now to post the official warning

A Night to Remember
After spending a night of fun and games, the only feeling i have is that local Greensborough personality and vagabond Chris Folwell didn't know exactly how to correctly fill out his ballot form at the recently completed Victorian State Election. During a game of Taboo, Chris chose his word and immediately started explaining that thing girls do.......you know the dancing thing with the tu-tus and the twirling........ well the least i can say is that none of us worked out that after getting our names crossed off, we were supposed to go into the box and dance to ballet, or something like that......

Blogger admin, get your act together!
This post is for testing purposes only.

Wanna buy some E's, man?
Experience the highs and lows of the underworld of drug dealing in the simple, yet addictive business simulation game DrugLord 2. Originally one of those calculator games that got you through many a dreary Methods class, DrugLord is now on the PC and is as addictive as ever. Work your way through the ranks from a small-time peddlar (insert name here), through to a local distributor, a big-time dealer, and ultimately, a DrugLord. Stock up on crack in Sydney, buy some 'anti-drug smell spray' to get through customs then fly to Beijing where there is big shortage, and become an instant millionaire. I made $35 mil in 30 days but lost it all when my warehouse was raided by crazed addicts and I ended up being shot in Vancouver by a drug squad owing debts to the mob. Such is life. Just like Lemonade Stand really, only you're selling drugs and it's a lot better. Hours of fun for the whole family.

Hey kids,
To kill a bit of free time over the holiday period, check out GoogleFight. It basically compares any two google searches to see which one comes up with more results. Here's a few test runs to give you the general idea of the thing:
- The Beatles get 2,690,000 results, while Elvis Presley only gets 834,000.
- Collingwood (254,000) defeats Essendon (89,500).
- Coca-Cola (1,220,000) is superior to Pepsi (961,000).
- Friday (27.2 million) is just that much better than Monday (24.7 mil).
Enjoy!

Back in the business of blogging
Well after sleeping for the best of 22 hours (A Rip-Van-Winkle-like snoozefest, even by my standards), I awoke to realise that the four little green dots on my modem were all on and my net service had been restored. So now I can get back down the serious business of blogging: reporting on issues important and trivial alike to all those bored souls out there in Internetland...

What up...
Here I am suffering Internet withdrawal symptoms after my long abstinence from cyber-substances. If anyone is still reading this blog, thank you for your patience and I'll be back soon with my idiotic ramblings and links to shit I find on the Net. By the way, I really reccomend you watch Scrubs on Seven tonight at 8:30pm. Cya, keep showering.

GNf Racing Update
GNf Racing has been updated for Saturday's meeting at Sandown.

Notice to GNf Blog Readers
Due to my Internet connection being disconnected due to unauthorised overuse, this blog will be relatively unupdated until December 15, when the generous folks at OptusNet Cable allow my service to be reconnected. I apologise for any inconvenience this may cause, and I'll still update whenever and wherever I can get my hands on an Internet connection. During this time, The Daily Burdie will also remain unupdated, however, it should be back by Christmas for a big holidays special edition.