(Risking legal action from Rove,) What the?...
Witness the latest in energy drinks: Sugar Free Red Bull is now available in the States! May I ask, what is the point? Red Bull is basically a delivery system for caffeine, sugar and taurine. I can't see diabetics rushing out to buy the sugar-free version: it's just not right...

A better life
fitter happier
more productive
comfortable
not drinking too much
regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week)
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries
at ease
eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
a patient better driver
a safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
sleeping well (no bad dreams)
no paranoia
careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole)
keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then)
will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall)
favours for favours
fond but not in love
charity standing orders
on sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants)
car wash (also on sundays)
no longer afraid of the dark
or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate
nothing so childish
at a better pace
slower and more calculated
no chance of escape
now self-employed
concerned (but powerless)
an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism)
will not cry in public
less chance of illness
tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat)
a good memory
still cries at a good film
still kisses with saliva
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick
that's driven into
frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness)
calm
fitter, healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics

- Fitter Happier by Radiohead

Site of the day
The Breakfast From Hell "The 'justification' is that you're supposed to eat shitty food in the morning."

Site of the day
Jaboobie's Simpsons Quotes. It offers what it promises. Mmm... nuts 'n' gum - together at last!

Pubs, clubs, casinos and TABs (well sort of...)
Tonight was a mixed bag.

First we found ourselves having pre-club-drinks (energy drinks in my case, alcoholic drinks for the rest) at the Manningham Sports Club. The venue was generally nothing to blog home about, just a pub with beer, counter meals, the footy on TV, a pool table and a TAB.

Only it wasn't a TAB: it had been converted into a miniature nightclub. Surreal. The row of overhead monitors which should have been listing the tote prices for Moonee Valley, Newcastle, Albion Park and Globe Derby were instead showing video clips on MTV. Where you would normally see an avid gambler peering over the fields for the next race, they had a "DJ" playing music. (For those that don't see the meaning of those inverted commas: they're intended as a subtle indication of my judgement of the DJ's level of skill). It was just like that Simpsons episode where Moe pulls a lever and his whole bar converts into a pet store. A TAB turned into a nightclub. Surreal.

They even had a makeshift dancefloor, but during the time we were there (9:30-10:30ish) we only saw one guy dancing on it. This guy was in his late 50s, balding with a handlebar moustache, wearing tracky dacks. < Avrilspeak > He was so lame that he, was, um, like, cool. < /Avrilspeak > Why the Avril reference? Well, the music being played in this club/TAB also sucked.

Next we headed off to Bubble, a rave-themed club in the city where had gotten ourselves on the guest list. I found a park on the bridge between Spencer Street and the Telstra Dome, and we proceded to spend the next 45 minutes walking around city blocks looking for this club. Turns out it was in the street opposite where we parked: a 2 minute walk from the car. D'Oh!

Bubble was bliss, but unfortunately the four guys I went with didn't exactly share my appreciation for their combination of energetic of hard house and trance, light shows and well, just the whole scene really. So although I loved the place, I didn't really get the chance to enjoy myself. I can't really blame them for not liking it: each to their own I guess. It's just I wasn't over the moon when given the choice of being dragged to Crown to sit around and watch others gamble in the depressingly tacky surrounds or be abandoned and have to stay there alone. Maybe it's time to find myself a more diverse group of friends.

Special bonus random observations:

1. One thing I hate about smokers: When they ask for a smoke or a light, and you don't have one, certain people either think you're flat out lying to them or somehow take it as a personal insult against them because you don't have what they need.

2. Glow-in-the-dark tubes, accessories, etc rock.

3. Q. What was the point of this story?
A. I like stories.

4. Spent a lot of time walking around the Telstra Dome. In exactly 12 hours time I'll be back there, inside the stadium cheering on the Mighty Pies!

Shopping centres: The top ten
The Herald Sun today published its definitive top ten list of Victorian shopping centres. Factoring in retail area, number of stores, car parking spaces and annual pedestrians, we have:

1. Southland (129,000 sq m of retail space, 380 stores, 5941 car spaces, 16.7m annual pedestrians)
2. Chadstone (126k, 381, 8500, 15m)
3. Highpoint (112k, 310, 6200, 15.3m)
4. Knox City (143k, 350, 6200, 10.6m)
5. Eastland (80k, 230, 4730, 10.7m)
6. Northland (78k, 210, 4588, 11.5m)
7. Dandenong Plaza (63k, 177, 3300, 11.1m)
8. Greensborough Plaza (56k, 186, 2900, 9.4m)
9. Doncaster (53k, 203, 3960, 9.4m)
10. Bayside (54k, 185, 5573, 9.0m)

This should settle some arguments once and for all.

Television for breakfast
"We're low down in the food chain here at Channel Seven. We still have Commodore 64s in the office."
- Sunrise's David Koch on why the presenters read viewer e-mails from pieces of paper.

Now anyone who knows me well should know I have nothing but pure hatred for Channel Seven due to their pathetic treatment of my favourite shows, such as Futurama. But I just want to say that Sunrise is a great show. David Koch and Melissa Doyle are a lot more fun to watch in the morning than Today's Steve "Keep an eye out for potential terrorists" Leibmann and Tracy Grimshaw.

An Ode to Sexyland

welcome to the world of sleaze
pretty baby, we've got everything you need
you'll fit in it's such a breeze, pretty baby
happy living on your knees

cos there's dicks and cunts
and sluts and butts, oh
pimps and 'ho's, yeah
plenty of those

there's no end to the things you can win
and i'll be your friend if you just spread your legs

-World of Sleaze by Regurgitator

Note: Half the reason I blogged this is because hopefully some of the above lyrics will get me plenty of hits from google searches looking for p0rn... :)

Footy is back! Yay! Q&A!

What is 'footy'? I thought Australians only played rugby, not football.
'Footy' means football. In Australia, we play four different codes of football which makes things a little confusing. I shall attempt to explain. The term 'footy' generally refers to Australian Rules football (AFL) in the states of Victoria, WA, SA and Tasmania, while in NSW, Queensland and the ACT, it refers to Rugby League (NRL). I don't know about the NT: their most popular sport may be bullfighting or crocodile hunting. The term rugby, on the other hand, refers to Rugby Union, which is a separate sport from Rugby League: played with similar, but distinct rules. The fourth code of football is played with a round ball, and we call it 'soccer'.

What is the AFL?
No, it isn't the Arena Football League, it's the Australian Football League, Australia's elite national Australian Rules league. It consists of 16 teams: 10 'traditional' teams from in and around Melbourne, two from Adelaide, two from Perth, and one each from Sydney and Brisbane. For specific info on what Australian Rules football actually is, click here.

Are Telstra Dome and Telstra Stadium the same place?
No. Sadly, in these times where professional sport is dominated by commercial interests, corporate sponsorship has crept into almost every facet of the game. We have advertising outside the grounds, inside the grounds, on the grass, on the players guernseys and shorts, on the scoreboard, on TV, and even on the coaches' microphones. Inevitably the grounds where footy is played have also sold out to companies willing to pay big bucks for naming rights. Last year Australia's biggest telecommunications company Telstra decided it needed a bigger presence in sport, and forked out millions for the naming rights of two of the country's biggest sporting stadiums. So here is the situation:
* New stadium at Docklands, Melbourne - was Colonial Stadium - now Telstra Dome
* Former olympic stadium Homebush, Sydney - was Stadium Australia - now Telstra Stadium
* Adelaide Crows' home ground - was Football Park - now AAMI Stadium
* Carlton's home ground - traditionally Princes' Park - now Optus Oval
* Geelong's home ground - traditionally Kardinia Park - was Shell Stadium - then Baytec Stadium - now Skilled Stadium
Thankfully we still have a few grounds that haven't sold out: the MCG, SCG, Subiaco and the Gabba.

Why are you writing this footy Q&A thing?
It's 5am, I have insomnia, and I'm bored.

Are you concerned that you're asking yourself the questions?
Next.

Should Carlton and the Kangaroos merge?
They might as well. With Denis Pagan, Corey McKernan and Mick Martyn now in Carlton colours, and the Kangaroos' (and now Blues') dire financial situations, I'd love to see a merger between these two clubs. The Carlton Kangaroos would wear the Carlton traditional strip for home games, and a newly-designed 'double blue kangaroo' strip for away games. They would play their home games at Hellstra Dome, and rename the Coventry and Lockett ends the "Pigs Arse" and "Keep Away from the Vice-Captain's Slutty Wife" ends. Hey, we can all dream...

Where can I keep up to date with all the latest footy news?
Sports Review. I've posted a preview of the Wizard Cup pre-season comp that starts tonight along with my tips.

Alcoholic Beverage of the Day

White Russian

Ingredients:
1 part Kahlúa®
1 part Vodka
2 parts Milk

Method: Pour Kahlua and vodka over ice, top with milk, stir and serve. Repeat until pleasantly intoxicated.

Site of the Day
Moustaches. Porn actors are known to have them. But so do many of the evil dictators throughout history: for example, Adolf and Saddam are two. Despot or Sexpot? is a quirky little quiz that determines whether you have what it takes to tell the difference between the two. Steve Leibmann would love it.

Next on Ten News:
"The former bank employee who stole from pensioners to play the pokies."

There's no harm in that, the money is ending up in the same place anyway, they've just added a middle-man...

Sunrise
Anyone who thinks Ozzy Osbourne looks bad after decades of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll and countless other rock cliches, take a look at The Rolling Stones. The drummer looks like he's escaped from an old folks' home. Still, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are good blokes: check them out on The Simpsons tomorrow night [Ten 7:30].

Must See TV Tonight
24 [Seven 8:30] A double episode of the best action action series on television. Jack has to try and stop terrorists from bombing the CTU; meanwhile his daughter Kim has problems of her own.

Frasier [Nine 7:00] 200th episode of this witty Kelsey Grammar comedy that began as a Cheers spinoff.

Maybe...
South Park [SBS 8:30] An amusing spoof of the John Edwards Crossing Over program.

Forget about it!:
Who Wants To Be Millionaire [Nine 8:30] Nobody wins more than $8,000, and the audience is annoying.

Site of the Day
Gulf War 2: An amusing, if not disturbing, flash simulation that will get you up-to-date on the situation in the Middle East and predict a few key events in the region.

Melbourne Storm Family Day (in point form)
At time of writing this, I am extremely sleepy (strange for me at just past 2am, I know), so I'll try to keep it succinct.

The Highlights

1. That wonderful feeling of anticipation. Footy season is almost back. We bought 6-game-memberships: hopefully we'll see 6 wins.

2. Aaron Moule, at the players' presentation, stealing the mic from MC James Sherry and announcing: "Happy Valentines Day to all the sexy single cheerleaders."

3. Having a friendly chat with the great man himself: Marcus Bai. He suggested we (Ranga, Damo, Nick and I) should all be playing rugby league. :) LOL

4. Shaking hands with newly appointed captain Stephen Kearney and wishing him luck for Season 2003

The Lowlights

1. The traffic on Hoddle St/Punt Rd. Took us 40 damn minutes to get from the freeway to Richmond.

2. The match itself. OK, so it was a nothing pre-season trial between what was basically the Storm's reserves (Brisbane Norths) and the best of the VRL, but the gap in skill between the two sides was ridiculous. The final score? The Storm rookies won 74-0.

3. That know-it-all Seven reject James Sherry as MC. His heart may be in the right place, but he really doesn't have a clue about rugby league. He even admitted that he gets researchers to do all the work, he just reads it off a piece of paper. Plus his whiny voice shits me.

4. Not having a ball, so we couldn't play around on the Olympic Park surface.

One of cinema's finest moments? Lesbian schoolgirls kissing in the rain...
Just saw the "All The Things She Said" video clip for the first time on Australian TV, and I'm glad to say they aired it uncut, kiss and all. However this was on 'Video Hits Uncut' on Ten at midnight, so Big Brother will probably have to show an edited version when the kiddies are watching...

Happy Valentines Day!
Today is a day that should be spent with that special girl, guy or rugby league team who is close to your heart.
Now I gotta run, I'm off to Olympic Park for the Melbourne Storm family day :)

Ya soshla s uma
Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma
Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona
Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma
Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona

YA SO-SHLA S U-MA! (ya so-shla s u-ma)...

Daytime TV
Parliament Question Time and The Jerry Springer Show share so many similarities, it's scary.

First you have the slick salesman: acting PM John Anderson selling Howard's fridge magnets to the Australian people, saying it's worth the peace of mind for only the cost of a cup of coffee. Then you have Ruddock, the dirty old man that pretends to care for immigrants. Oh so sincere. Just like Jerry, these freaks play up to the audience, causing so much uproar that the host has to calm the place down and warn them to shut up. The way some of those politicans act, I wouldn't be surprised to be chairs being thrown across the parliament house.

We all like to indulge in a little "trash tv" sometimes: it'd be a little less disturbing if these weren't the people supposed to be running this country.

A Usenet testimony...
Was just flipping through the channels (honest...) when I came across the
National Sex Survey and lo-and-behold they start talking to some teenage
girls on the Gold Coast about their first time. One of them was a girl named
Hayley who I went to school with on the Sunny Coast! She then went on to say
about the fact she slept with more than one guy some nights. Didn't surprise
me in the least from what I knew of her during school... -Mike Pfeiffer

Now I didn't watch the show, but from the sounds of this Australian TV is heading south, towards the (hilarious) depths of Japanese TV. In Nihon, every night they interview girls on the streets of Shinjuku (a nightlife hotspot in downtown Tokyo) and ask them how many guys they've slept with a) tonight, b) this month, and c) this year. Let's just say the figures were astronomical...

A dreamed analogy
Unrequited love is like open heart surgery with a dodgy anesthetist
At first it hurts like hell
Then the pain is replaced by a feeling of numbness
Which gives way to a feeling of nothingness
And then you realise you're bleeding everywhere

Optimism
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay
My, oh my, what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine headin' my way
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay

McDonalds to be renamed!
You heard it first here.

Oboete imasuka?
Checking out a few blogs this morning, I found half of them unupdated since the last time I've seen them - but that could just have something to do with the obessive frequency with which I check them. Nostalgia pangs hit when I stumbled across wakaranai!, the blog of a guy called Matt Bode, who's currently on Rotary youth exchange in Shizuoka Prefecture, Japan. For the uninformed, that's how I spent my year 2000.

Matt just had his first Rotary meeting at the Hamamatsu Grand Hotel, a place I am very familiar with, but hadn't thought about in two whole years. Seeing the photos of the new batch of gaijin brought it all back: the good old times when we were living in a strange land oblivious to the language everyone was talking and all the crazy gadgets around us.

While on the nostalgia kick, I found this cool site profiling all the stations on the JR Tokaido Line. I can still hear the automated girl's voice announcing, "Tsugi wa takatsuka eki. takatsuka eki desu." as I cradled my toasty can of Boss coffee to warm me from the chill.

Excuse me while I get out my beloved photo album full of pictures of vending machines.

All the talent comes from Greensborough!
From today's Herald Sun, an article entitled Cool Cat eclipses Mozart:

A 17-year-old Victorian has achieved an almost impossible feat in classical music, eclipsing Mozart to become the youngest person to write an opera.

By composing the libretto and orchestral score for The White Cat Opera when she was only 14, Sophie Serese of Greensborough is to be included in the Guinness Book of Records.

I wonder if Kate knows her?...

Rage on
When you can't get out, the best way to spend your Saturday night in Australia with is without doubt watching Rage. I guess it's like MTV, but being broadcast on a non-commercial network (the ABC), it's never interrupted by annoying ads. Just non-stop wall-to-wall videos from midnight to dawn, usually on a theme. Sometimes it's just rap or old 80s stuff, but tonight it seems to be progressive dance, which is a good thing. Right now it's a videography of Underworld, next up is Massive Attack. Ahh, Karl Hyde from Underworld is guest programming, which would explain why the last hour has been non-stop Underworld clips. Interestingly, looking at the playlist, he's also into Bob Marley, New Order, and Prince.

Wayne Carey Joke of the Day
Wayne Carey and Mark Bickley are enjoying a lunch at a fancy West Lakes restaurant.

The waitress approaches their table to take their order. She is young and very attractive. She asks Mark what he wants, and he replies, "I'll have a caesar salad."

"Very good, sir," she replies. Turning to Carey she asks, "And what do you want, Wayne?"

Carey answers, "How about a quickie?"

Taken aback, the waitress slaps him and says, "I'm shocked and disappointed in you. I thought you were on the straight and narrow and committed to high principles and morality, not like last year. I'm sorry you have joined the Crows." With that, the waitress departed in a huff.

Bickley leans over to Carey, and says, "Wayne, I believe that's pronounced 'quiche'".

The pitfalls of blogging
As much fun as blogging is, posting on a daily basis becomes a bit tedious after awhile, especially if you are editor of two blogs plus are involved behind-the-scenes at half a dozen others. So to all of you that dutifully post daily, I salute you. I'll try my best to do the same. It just gets difficult sometimes, especially if you are asleep for 18 hours out of the 24 hour period. That just leaves six hours for eating, showering, TV, miscellaneous tasks and blogging.

Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. 'Bart is a vampire.' 'Beer kills brain cells.' Now, let's go back to that...building....thingy...where our beds and TV...is.
The Simpsons has now aired 300 episodes, most of them very good with just a few mediocre ones. Still, a bad Simpsons ep is still better viewing than a good episode of most other shows on TV.

Have your say and vote here for what you think are the ten best episodes, and of course your ten 'worst episodes ever'.

My Top Ten Best Episodes
1. Deep Space Homer
2. Homer's Barbershop Quartet
3. Lisa's Wedding
4. Marge vs The Monorail
5. Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
6. Flaming Moe's
7. Cape Feare
8. Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish
9. Rosebud
10. HOMR

My Top Ten Worst Episodes
1. Saddlesore Galactica
2. Kill The Alligator And Run
3. Tennis The Menace
4. Simpson Safari
5. Homer Simpson in "Kidney Trouble"
6. Brawl in the Family
7. Large Marge
8. The Lastest Gun in the West
9. All Signing, All Dancing
10. The Principal And The Pauper

My encounter with a millionaire
OK, so the following post should have been up 24 hours ago, but I've been feeling rather lethargic throughout that period.
< Japanese accent > Forgiveness please. < /Japanese accent >

On Tuesday afternoon I ventured, entourage of seven in tow, to GTV-9's supposedly famous Studio 9 in Bendigo Street, Richmond. Being the lazy month of February, I thought going to a taping of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? might be a productive way to spend an afternoon.

For at least an hour, we had the pleasure of starting at giant photos of Nine's celebrities while sitting in the foyer: Kim Kilbey, Lou Richards, Sam Newman, Glenn Ridge, et al. Unsurpisingly, Eddie McGuire's picture was four times the size of any of the other personalities: probably to match the size of his ego.

Certain other members of the audience-in-waiting provided us with much amusement during our wait. One woman in particular had been to the taping of the show every week since its inception, and vocally expressed herself as knowing more than the producers. If you watch the show on Monday 17th February (or any week for that matter) you'll hear her annoying laughs/effects during the clapping periods. There to 'warm us up' was this moderately amusing guy called Jeremy Kewley. Apparently he is a cast member of the Aussie drama series Stingers.

After a brief chat to fill in time, Eddie & co. were finally ready and we were ushered into the set. Now on TV, it looks like it's filmed in a giant dome-like arena, but in real life it's fairly small and poxy-looking. It's all in the lighting. Amazingly, Eddie didn't screw up his lines even once, and has an amazing talent for ad-libbing, although there were a few technical fuck-ups (including a $64,000 question appearing at the $4,000 mark), and a generous amount of Seven-bashing, which gave me a brief chuckle.

During the "ad breaks", Eddie was happy to speak to the audience, but unfortuntately I didn't prepare any ground-breaking questions and had to think of something on the spot. First the annoying woman in front of me asked him how his baby was doing, and then asked for an autograph, to which he replied, clearly recognising her: "But I've already signed about 3,000 things for you." A few others asked the usual things, but I wanted something to stir things up a little. I ended up having the following exchange:

Me: Will you still be calling Collingwood games for Friday Night Football this year?
Eddie: Of course I will.
Me: Well what do you think of Tim Lane going to Ten?
Eddie: I don't care. Tim can do whatever he likes. He says he's doing it for his family. Well he didn't give a shit about my family last year.

He was visibly pissed off. There's obviously no love lost between Eddie and Tim. Someone else asked him why Doug Hawkins wasn't invited back to The Footy Show, and he seemed rather vindictive in his response, saying: "It was his choice to go to Seven. And look where he is today."

Eddie also mentioned something about Carlton being in deeper shit than they are already regarding salary cap breaches. Nothing has been in the media about it so far, but expect it to break soon.

As for the show itself, nothing really exciting happened. All the contestants on the show fared dismally, with no-one winning over $16,000. The way Eddie treated $32,000 as "the big one" showed he doesn't have much confidence in anyone ever winning the million. I even got bored with the "ask the audience" lifeline: the questions we got given were so ridiculously easy, I started trying to lead the contestants astray because they deserved to lose for being so thick.

Well, as I mentioned earlier, the show goes to air on Monday 17th February, but I'll probably decide to watch 24 (or maybe even The Secret Life Of Us instead) and just flick over in the ad breaks out of curiosity.

Note for international readers: Eddie McGuire is Australia's biggest and most overexposed media personality. He hosts our version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, which airs each Monday night, as well as The Footy Show: a live comedy-variety show about AFL (Aussie Rules) football on Thursday nights. He also hosts Friday Night Football and AFL Sunday: which both consist of live football games and highlights. In addition to this he hosts/has hosted various specials including The Great Australian IQ Test, the Allan Border Medal (an Australian cricket awards night), the All-Australian Awards (football), the Australian F1 Grand Prix, and the re-union special of Australian Survivor. He has had a radio talkback show and covered football with radio station Triple M, and writes a Saturday column in the Herald Sun. Politically, he was the leader of the Australian Republican movement. Last but not least, he is the president of the famous Collingwood Football Club. And somehow he manages to spend time with his wife and two young children.

Kinky Carey in bubble trouble
[This post is simulcast on Sports Review]



Not again! If this report is accurate, the shit hath hitteth the fan for two-time premiership captain Wayne Carey. Seems the former "Roo Boy" was living it up in a hotel room in Adelaide, on the piss and having a rambunctious nude spa party with "friends". The Melbourne family staying across the hall from Carey's hotel apparently complained about the noise, and managed to obtain a photo of Wayne enjoying himself with an attractive 20-year-old blonde.

Carey's entourage demanded the camera back, although the AFL star claims there were no "compromising situations" caught on film. Yeah, right. That sounds about as convincing as Bill Clinton denying that he had sex with Monica Lewinsky. Maybe Carey should run in the 2004 U.S. Presidential Election.

Carey's mates retrieved the camera using standover tactics and destroyed the evidence. The family reported the camera as stolen to police and signed stat decs. saying it was Carey.

The report states that: "(Carey) denied the spa was used and said it was a quiet night with 20 friends." *TWENTY* friends! Some quiet night that sounds like... The Adelaide Football Club tried to cover it up by begging the family not go to the media, and bribing them with football tickets and free dinners. They didn't buy it. The worst job in the world right now (apart from being President of Iraq) would have to be Crows' PR manager.

We all know why Carey left the Kangaroos, and to hear a story like this before he has even played a game for Adelaide is a disgrace. Although it really has nothing to do with his football career, why the hell doesn't his wife just leave him as he obviously isn't ready for married life yet. I just hope for the Crows' sake that the young woman at the party wasn't a relation of a player or... does Gary Ayres have a daughter, anyone?

Free stuff from Nova 100
Just a heads up to anyone that is a member of Club Nova: There are no CDs/DVDs listed in the points redemption opportunity section at the moment (looks like they finally got rid of all those Back to the Future DVD sets), so keep a close eye on it as they will have to re-stock it soon and all the best stuff goes quickly.

another night of reality TV
Remember that Simpsons episode where Homer went into space, and there was a risk of the space shuttle burning up on re-entry? The following should refresh your memory:

Kent Brockman: Oh, yes, by the way, the spacecraft still in extreme danger, may not
make it back, attempting risky reentry, bla bla bla bla bla bla. We'll
see you after the movie.
Lisa: Come on, Dad. You can make it!
Abe: Aw, of course he'll make it. It's TV.

Well not everything on TV goes to plan, especially if the drama you are watching is unfolding live on one of the news networks. Flicking around Foxtel's channels around 1am, I noticed that Sky News, CNN, Fox News, BBC and CNBC were all showing the same footage. An hour or so later, Seven was showing an NBC News feed, Nine was CBS News, Ten was showing CNN. We all know the last time this happened. That also happened in the middle of the night, Melbourne time. Sadly for the networks, this means no ratings boom. Big news stories = big ratings. Cynical me.

What is this big news event am I talking about? In case you haven't heard yet, the Columbia Space Shuttle burned up on re-entry into the earth's atmosphere and all seven astronauts were killed. According to NASA, the shuttle was travelling at 20,000 km/h when mission control lost all contact. Toxic debris from the shuttle has fallen all over the state of Texas. President Bush has sent his condolences to the astronaut's families. Already the media has hinted at suggestions of terrorism (surprise surprise), although I hardly see how this is possible.

Yet another movie has come true. Just as watching September 11 footage live through the night brought back memories of Independence Day and Godzilla, tonight's events were reminiscent of Deep Space Homer and Apollo 13. (Of course, Apollo 13 was a true story based on the actual launch of that name, but I won't let that spoil my point.) As gruesome and cynical as it may sound, events like these are the ultimate culmination of reality TV.

sex sells. so does controversy.
Over the last few days, I've taken a liking to a song called 'All The Things She Said' by Russian lesbian pop duo t.A.T.u, playing it or hearing it in my head over and over... very catchy tune! If you haven't heard it yet, do yourself a favour and acquire it legally. *wink wink* It's probably going to be a big hit here, so I realised that it was only a matter of time until the band got some media coverage here in Oz. (It's being officially released to radio tomorrow, and the single and album will both be in stores in March.)

So reading through the Sunday Herald Sun this morning I was surprised to see this article: 'Lesbian pop' teens cop a blast'. It's a typical sensationalist tabloid rant, probably spin doctored by the record company to stir up controversy. They even go so far as to compare t.A.T.u to Eminem and Marilyn Manson, which I find a little strange, seeing as their lyrics don't contain violent content or even excessive profanities. It's just about two girls falling in love. There's nothing explicitly sexual about the lyrics or the video clip either, just a few kisses. Compared to Christina Aguilera's recent Dirrty video it hardly even warrants mentioning in my opinion.

Your usual concerned community groups (read: religious lunatics with too much time on their hands) are having their usual bitch about it, calling for a boycott. Call me cynical, but this sort of media controversy has surely been orchestrated to increase sales.

This is what the 'spokesperson' had to say: "I have no issue with them wearing schoolgirl dresses, but to actively promote them as teenage sex objects is a major concern," she said.

Right. Like using sex to sell pop music is a completely original idea. How is the clip any worse than Britney Spears' Baby One More Time video? Two girls kissing? Oh no, we can't show impressionable young teens that! I'd be hard pressed to name a teenage pop group that *doesn't* use sexual imagery to market their music. Get with the times, you crazy old wet blanket! Even Elvis incorporated pelvic thrusts into his dance routines to attract teenage girls. I can't believe that 40-something years later, this is still an issue.

The article claims that the lesbian relationship described in t.A.T.u's songs is actually manufactured as a marketing tool. Once again, how is this so wrong or unlike any other modern pop groups? Who cares if they aren't really lesbians? Pop music is all about creating an image, if that image is not entirely truthful, it's not exactly a crime is it?

As for the comment that the music is designed for 'dirty old men' and promotes child abuse, what a joke... Pre-pubescent popstar Nikki Webster wears tight, suggestive clothing as well. Dirty old men can get off on that if they want, so why don't we boycott her music? Turn on MTV or Channel [V] and in the majority of the video clips you see, sexual imagery will be the major selling point.

This so-called 'controversy' has been manufactured to sell records. You can smell it a mile away. I can't wait for A Current Affair or Today Tonight to do a report on this 'issue' sometime this week: I'm in need of a good laugh.

What blogging means to me
While blogging is a relatively new phenomenon, it is apparent that there are as many different types of blogs out there in Internetland as there as different types of people in the world.

There are personal blogs: ones which deal with people's day-to-day lives/encounters, fan blogs: for fans obsessed with a particular movie-star/band/person, news blogs, sports blogs. Blogs blogs blogs blogs blogs blogs. I first started blogging when the editor of The Bulletin, Kathy Bail, at a guest lecture that blogging was where future of journalism was heading. This was around May last year. At the end of her little glowing section on 'blogs', he asked if anyone in the audience had one. No hands were raised. I didn't really have a clue what his crazy lady was talking about... what the hell did "blogging" mean anyway? By the looks of the faces of everyone else in the lecture theatre, they had never heard of it either.

That night when I went home and got online, the first site I went to was blogger.com. I started this very blog, but didn't bother updating it again until October, since when I have been blogging on a daily (or close to daily) basis. I never really thought about what my blog should achieve, it has really been just a place to record my thoughts and communicate with friends, as well as share a few humorous links to sites I found interesting, and usually bizarre.

Up until now, this blog has been relatively apolitcal. Well, after starting a little flame war-cum-debate on the U.S.-Iraq situation over on Court's blog, that may have to change. I've got you're attention, as you're reading this, so I'm going to put forward my opinions on things rather than just reporting the trivialities and quirky tales from my everyday life. Of course, I hope to include a balance of both.

Keep on blogging... (And if you haven't already, get into it!)