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Homework tonight
Researching for my Cyber Com project... ;)

Monday morning pearl of wisdom #458
Never, never drink a large amount of coffee on no sleep and an empty stomach. Flwequgsduhgawsejroqetgijwerwh.

Flash mobbing hits Sydney
The bizarre craze that is flash mobbing (see here) made its may to sin city on Saturday.

The crowd coverged at a location on George St at exactly 12 noon. They were divided into two groups: cats and dogs. The cats and dogs stood adjacent to each other and took turns in growling and hissing at the other group. This lasted three minutes, after which the crowd dispersed and returned to their daily business. The world could do with a little more of this sort of (non-violent) insanity.

For more details and some pics of the mobbers in action, check out SydMob.

Monday morning Blog-O-Rama Spectacular Week 3
This week I'm coming to you live from the ArtsIT computer lab, where I'm killing two hours until my Cyber Comms tute starts (sigh...)


I've had a lot to say about Cherry Coke recently: I had a can today and it continues to piss me off. I love the brand/logo etc, but the flavour just isn't cherry enough. The dominant taste of the beverage is just normal Coca-Cola, with the hint of cherry far too subtle. It's a delicious flavour, but it just isn't strong enough and leaves me unsatisfied. I feel like breaking into Coca-Cola bottlers and upping the cherry syrup in the recipe. Vanilla Coke is vanilla enough but, Cherry Coke isn't cherry enough.

Now I better get started on this pub crawl-themed website...

Here comes another one...
Seems the latest trend for young women is to sell your salacious Shane Warne sex story and in the words of Lionel Hutz: "ching, ching, ching, cash in on this opportunity."

We've had a South African, a 16-year old, a mother and next line for her 15 minutes is stripper Angela Gallagher the sold her story to trash mag NW. Methinks Simone Warne and Sally Carey should get together as they have a lot in common.

Hey, on the upside for Warnie, at least this one is a better looker than that dopey hairy-backed shiela...

Pubs of Melbourne
So, it's 3:40am, can't sleep. I know - let's do vaguely something constructive.

I have to plan an develop an online project for uni. For want of a better idea, I plan to basically review a series of pubs that I'd be attending frequently anyway. In fact this may even be a good excuse to get out more while doing homework simultaneously!

To start, I'll make a list of all the pubs/bars I've ever been to at least a few times and can remember, and I'll pick and choose the ones worthy of a review.

Here goes, sorting by suburb:

Eltham: Eltham Hotel
Greensborough: Greensbough Hotel
Greensborough RSL
Lower Plenty: Lower Plenty Hotel
Bundoora: Bundoora Hotel
Ricochet
Heidelberg: The Old England Hotel
Preston: Olympic Hotel
Breakers
Hawthorn: The Hawthorn
The Glenferrie
Nevermind
Geebung Polo Club
Camberwell: Palace Hotel
Richmond: The Depot
Parkville: Exchange Hotel
Carlton: Prince Alfred Hotel
The Clyde
Pugg Mahone's Irish Pub
Percy's (Hotel Astor)
Queensberry Hotel
Fitzroy: The Old Bar
The Purple Turtle
Rochester Castle Hotel
Birmingham Hotel
The Tankerville Arms
Collingwood: The Tote
Bendigo Hotel
Clifton Hill: The Clifton Hill Hotel
Normandy Hotel
Bulleen: Manningham Sports Bar
South Yarra: Bridie O'Reilly's Irish Pub
City: Young & Jackson's
Melbourne Bar & Bistro
Duke of Wellington

Ah, memories.

There's a few others I can't remember the names of, but that'll do for starters. Now can any of you young Melbournians out there reccomend which of the above are worthy of review, and also suggest any other places I should be checking out?

Free Pauline
So Ipswich's favourite fish and chipper-cum-extreme right nutbag Pauline Hanson fudged some signatures and is serving three years behind bars for electoral fraud. C'mon, Australia, that's a bit harsh isn't it ... besides, how are we to be entertained by her zany antics when she's incarcerated? Surely forcing her to live in a flat in Footscray would be a more suitable punishment that all of the country would enjoy - they could even base a reality show around it!


Pauline on her guilty verdict and three year jail sentence: "I don't like it."

Then again, ALP bad boy Mark Latham might be onto something.
"She's just been a candidate in the recent NSW election campaigning for tougher penalties," Mr Latham said. "Now she's got one."

Now, if someone only recorded Pauline's outcry of "Rubbish!" as the verdict was being read, it could be mixed with sound-bytes of her campaign speechers for tougher penalties, and we could have another "I Don't Like It"-style dance hit on our hands! I think it's time for Pauline Pantsdown to come out of retirement and mix one final track...

Random public mob insanity
You see a lot of weird things around city streets, but this performance sounds brilliant:


Looks supsiciously like a publicity stunt for Enjo, doesn't it?

PEAK-hour commuters were left gaping when 120 people, each wearing a yellow dish-washing glove and pointing at the sky, blocked the Flinders St Station steps yesterday.

After gathering at 5.25pm and staring quizzically at the sky for one minute, the yellow-gloved mob abruptly dispersed.
Few of the bystanders realised they had just witnessed Australia's first "flash mob".

The phenomenon, which began in America three months ago and has been seen in 40 cities worldwide, involves crowds converging on a set spot and performing a wacky, harmless stunt.

Apparently the participants registered on a website. Thirty seconds of googling informs me that the practice is known as "flash mobbing" - "A flash mob is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place as a prank". Here's a blog devoted to flash mobbing and an Age article on the phenomenon.

Anyone have any good ideas for a wacky flash mob stunt? Nothing political either, I think the purpose of this practice is just the public insanity in itself.

Cherry Coke: the verdict

Well it seems some other bloggers have also discovered the quiet debut of Cherry Coke into their respective educational institutions' vending machines.

After having sampled three bottles of the beverage over the past three days in different contexts of consumption (as a standalone, with a chicken parmiagiana and with california rolls), I've come to the conclusion that the taste of Cherry Coke just isn't cherry enough.

Compared with my experiences of the original American product (purchased from the former Daimaru and USA Foods), the cherry taste is a bit weak. The addition of the cherry flavour to the classic Coca-Cola formula is very subtle - the major difference being the replacement of regular Coke's slightly bitter aftertaste with a sweet candy-cherry taste. This is simliar to the Vanilla flavour but subtler. If you skull a bottle or use it to diffuse wasabi, you don't really notice the difference from a normal Coke. In this respect, Vanilla Coke is a superior spin-off.

CCA must be applauded for introducing such a variety of flavours into the local carbonated beverage market - however it seems with Cherry Coke, the major difference is just having a "new" brand to market. But before writing off Cherry Coke completely, I will next sample the drink in can form - some flavours just taste more authentic coming out of a chilled aluminum can than a 600mL PET bottle. Also if I get the chance, I'll taste test the American product v Australian - to see if my theories about the local product being a "watered down version" (the predecent being Mountain Dew - which is more caffeinated than Coke or Pepsi in the States, yet the local version is caffeine free) hold any ground.

Crazy John derogatory to the mentally ill
It's either a remarkable coincidence or someone in high places has been reading my rants.

From the Daily Telegraph:

Sane Australia, a charity which helps people affected by mental illness, has called on telecommunications company Crazy John's to change the popular character.

"The imagery that he's using – showing this character as cross-eyed, and with his tongue hanging out – is very derogatory," Sane Australia executive director Barbara Hocking told The Daily Telegraph yesterday.

"It really stereotypes and ridicules and implies that mental health is something to be made fun of," she said.

The problem with Crazy John, Ms Hocking said, was that people with mental illness might feel embarrassed by the character and feel less inclined to seek treatment.

You gotta love the hyper-PC-world we live in: next ad storyline? Crazy John to recieve shock therapy or counselling for mental illness. Humbug. If you ask me, Crazy isn't making light of insanity, rather he represents the ideal that insanity is a lifestyle choice that provides happiness, loose babes and cheap mobile phone deals.

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Monday morning Blog-O-Rama Spectacular Week 2
Okay, so it's only Monday morning and I'm coming to you live from the Percy Baxter Collaborative Learning Centre, where we now block access to MSN Messenger. Inconsiderate bastards - some of us have an addiction to feed, you know.

First on the agenda we have some promised Cherry Coke news: the aforementioned product makes its official Australian vending machine debut today. Retail roll-out will begin September 1, followed by an agressive advertising campaign two weeks later. I tried a bottle yesterday, and it's good stuff. Sweeter than regular Coke, candy-like cherry after-taste. I like it, but I predict a lot of people won't. Bring on diet Coke with Cherry, or diet Cherry Coke.

I think I'll be off to seek out some caffeinated sugar water right now. Back with more shortly.

Crazy Auction
I hate to be a spoilsport and ruin your Sunday night viewing, but I hate lifestyle-renovation shows more.

In case you haven't heard, The Block's auction was held yesterday.

And the highest bidder? None other than everyone's favourite mental illness-themed mobile phone mascot. Guess it will come in handy as a bachelor pad to retire to with Sam Newman and a pair of golddigging bimbos with fake tits after a big night out on the Pitt Street nightclub strip. Now there's a mental image you'll find it hard to get rid of.


We love you mates: Crazy pictured with token gay renovators Gav and Wazza

Is this guy a media whore or what? This week he had the rugby league world in a stir by offering to buy out 49% of hated club Manly. On a few conditions. The club would be renamed the Crazy John's Eagles, their home ground the Crazy John's Colisseum and all players would have their names changed by deed poll to Crazy John. Of course this was never going to happen, but they did succeed in getting the name "Crazy John's" printed about ten times when the media ate the story up like Homer at that all-you-can-eat seafood place.

The question needs to be asked: how did this two-bit company rise from mediocrity into a nationally recognised brand? A few years ago you'd crosseyed guy galivanting around in low-budget late night TV ads, but Crazy John can now be seen everywhere from Peter Schwab's box to Storm cheerleader's arses... Next his mobile phones will be being flogged by Shane Warne - how's that for the perfect publicity stunt/marketing opportunity!

I think the secret to the Crazy John's success story is "get publicity anywhere - by any means". Here's a breakdown of Crazy John's rise to fame:

Step 1: Plagiarise the mental illness-themed character concept from Ken Bruce (who went completely mad last decade and is now unheard of - probably retired to a whitegoods-filled suburban asylum somewhere.).

Step 2: Design a sleazy-looking, balding, bucktoothed, cross-eyed mascot. Stick him in a ketchup-and-mustard ensemble that makes Ronald McDonald's jumpsuit look like Versace. That'll attract the kiddies.

Step 3: Run late night TV ads which emphasise the idea that consumers should exploit Crazy John's mental deficiency by taking advantage of his great deals. Use the "shouting voice" technique synonmous with "EVERYTHING MUST GO!"-style sale ads. As the business grows, open more outlets and start investing in primetime spots.

Step 4: Once the cash starts rolling in, spend it by associating the character with as many public personalities as possible.

Step 5: Get your name and character involved with as many sporting events as possible. The more controversial, the better.

Step 6 (what the future holds for Crazy John): Spend your wealth on an Australian cricketer-length month-long binge of booze, hookers and gambling. End up in rehab, and resort to playing cameos in low-budget daytime variety shows.

Oh, and one last thing: I eagerly await all the inevitable google searches for "Crazy John+Shane Warne underage orgy scandal" that are sure to come after this post.

Cherry Coke on campus!
Today one of my dreams came true.

Okay, so it didn't involve me getting a job, a girlfriend, a life or some monetary gain. It wasn't that sort of dream. It was a consumer product availibility-dream. This is where products that are available in other markets around the world get introduced to Australia. Specifically, a soft drink.

Perhaps I should explain. For many, many years, Australia only had Fanta in Orange Flavour. There was a short-lived Creaming Soda flavour sometime in the 80s but it was fairly rare and I was too young to remember it. Then I went to Japan, where Fanta came in five or six other wonderful flavours, notably Grape, Lemon and Melon Soda. So I wished that Coca Cola Amatil would one day come to its senses and market alternative Fanta flavours would be on the Australia. Well, that dream came true one day, although several of the actual flavours turned out to taste a little disappointing.



Anyway, another of my soft drink availability dreams was Cherry Coke. Launched in the US sometime in the 1990s?, it had a very short life in Australia never to be seen again exclusing hard-to-find import stores. Until today. Location: vending machine at uni. I couldn't believe it. 600mL bottle machine. Labels for Coke, Vanilla Coke and Cherry Coke! Sadly, I didn't have the $2.00 to be able to buy one, but Monday awaits my purchase.

I guess after the success of Vanilla Coke, and CCA branching into many other varieties of its core brands (Sprite Ice, diet Coke with Lemon, Lift Plus), giving Cherry Coke another run was bound to happen.



More Cherry Coke news on Monday when I buy a bottle!

Eat your heart out, Telstra Dome
Pugg Mahone's has a retractable roof!

My Morning
This report from The Onion sums it up fairly well:

Half-Asleep Man Pauses 20 Minutes Between Socks
SANDPOINT, ID—Seated on the edge of his bed, Carl Thompson, 38, paused for 20 minutes with one sock on his foot and the other in his hand Tuesday. "Ugh, tired," said Thompson, who was otherwise silent from 6:30 to 6:50 a.m. During that period, Thompson stared at the wall and teetered perilously close to a reclining position six times.

creative juices - freshly squeezed
my brain is like a sponge, it takes in a lot of info
but to get anything out of it
i need to squeeze so hard it hurts

Taking your requests
Here at GNf we aim to please. This is for the Google searcher looking for "Lyrics+AFL+Collingwood":

Good old Collingwood forever
They know how to play the game
Side by side they stick together
To uphold the Magpies' name
See, the barrackers are shouting
As all barrackers should
Oh, the premiership's a cakewalk
For the good old Collingwood

Walk past the MCG at approx. 4:40pm this Saturday to hear them again. As for the "anouska threesome video" request, sorry but I can't help you out there...

In the proud journalistic tradition of fine publications such as The Sun

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Disappointment of the night
ZINGER in Race 4 at Albion Park Dogs.
Started hot favourite at $1.90, did nothing.

Monday morning Blog-O-Rama Spectacular Week 1
Are you bored and desperately seeking fresh, inane content to scan through, anything for a cheap laugh? Do I have a treat for you...

Well this not-so-spontaneous blogging spree comes courtesy of a wretched three hour break between classes. One I shall have to face each Monday that I decide to attend the classes for one of my core subjects this semester, Cyber Communications.

Ironically enough, Cyber Com is all about blogging. In fact, I could be assessed on this very blog, so I better try to keep the content nice and legal from hereon in. Another of my subjects is Media Law, which handles defamation, etc, which could come in handy. But I digress.

Cyber Com is a subject based around creating a website. Blogger is actually the software tool the lecturer swears by and is reccomending us to use to build our sites. This week we cover the basics of HTML, then onto FTPing, graphics, etc. You know all those mindless uni subjects you that bear no relevance or meaning to your daily life? Well, this is the complete opposite. It's like someone designed a course based around my life (if I consider blogging to be the major activity consuming life ... that and Minesweeper Flags).

So I have three hours to kill before my Cyber Com tute, where I'll learn how to set up a blog with some newfangled website thingy called Blogger this guy keeps talking about. Should be a riveting two hours, and an invaluable way to spend my afternoon.

If anyone has any more interesting ideas on how I should spend three whole hours - and no I don't want any sensible suggestions like doing my required reading or "study" because it's not going to happen. My mates Clyde, Pugg and Percy, for example, might appreciate an occasional visit. Or I could just ride the trams up and down and up and down Swanston Street until the ticket inspectors get suspicious and call Steve Leibmann.

And that's all we have for you this Monday morning. Join me next Monday morning live from the Percy Baxter Collaborative Learning Centre when I'll post some equally inane drivel with the purest intention of killing time.

Google targeted ad banner strikes again
Kate commented on how amsuing/strange it was to see a Swinburne Open Day banner emblazoned atop her blogspot-hosted blog. In past I've had such gems as "Increase Semen Production" and "Greensborough Plaza - Your Local Lend Lease Shopping Centre".

Today, I find my blog with an ad for Lesbian and Gay Radio ... the only gay or lesbian reference I can remember in the history of this blog would be when talking about those lovable popsluts t.A.T.u. Classic.

It's almost reason enough to stick with the el cheapo free version of Blogger - the banner ads give you laughs even if the content fails to.

Is it 6am yet?
Oh, and some anonymous tag-boarders are somewhat peturbed about this very blog not being updated frequently enough for their satisfaction.

To them I say:

This morning I got out of bed and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to two, medium brown. In my half-asleep state, I mistook the numeral "3" on the toaster for a "2", and the toast popped up 15 seconds late, semi-burnt. I buttered it and spread a liberal portion of raspberry conserve to compensate for the charcoal-y bits. After a bite, I realised with dread that this piece of toast was rather dry and needed a warm beverage to soak in. I promptly pressed the button-thingy on the kettle for the water to boil. And it did. I put the two heaped teaspoons of Nescafe Blend 43 into the "World's Greatest Dad" mug as well of two heaped teaspoons of white granules which were possibly sugar. As the water inside the jug came to boil, poured in into the mug only to realise that I'd boiled only around 100ml. That was enough for about half a cup of coffee. As my burnt jam on toast was getting cold, I couldn't really be fucked waiting for the kettle to boil another 100ml to fill my coffee cup, so I filled the empty half of the mug with milk and sculled the lukewarm contents. I gave the full piece of toast (minus my initial bite) to the dog. So began another epic day.

Happy?

Finals flurry: Saints in, Hawks out?
Those "journos" over at the Hun (No, not that Hun!) need a lesson in logic.

Exhibit A
GRANT Thomas didn't want anything to do with the "F' word, but St Kilda's demolition of West Coast yesterday has them back in the finals race.
Source: Pssst ... don't say F-word to Saints

Exhibit B
PORT Adelaide beat Hawthorn by four points in an AFL thriller at the MCG today to snuff out the Hawks' finals hopes.
Source: Port trips Hawks' top eight run

Exhibit C
Kangaroos 18 9 8 1 1730 1887 91.7 38
Hawthorn 18 8 10 0 1575 1672 94.2 32
St Kilda 18 8 10 0 1639 1948 84.1 32
Richmond 18 7 11 0 1565 1654 94.6 28
Source: AFL Ladder After Round 18

Equal on points, the Hawks a good 10% clear. Can someone now explain to me why the Saints are "back in the finals race," while the Hawks are out of it? Truth is both of these mediocre sides are in with a "mathematical chance" which in reality means they stand about as much chance of making it as Shane Crawford has of becoming the next Eric Bana-style Hollywood star.

Journalism cliche d'jour: Never let the facts stand in the way of a good story.


Footnote: The Age isn't much better.

St Kilda had no sooner worked its way back to within mathematical reach of finals contention with a 61-point upset win over West Coast yesterday than coach Grant Thomas declared gradual improvement from one year to the next was more important than being back in the hunt.

So the Saints are back to within mathematical reach of finals contention? Last week it was mathematically impossible, but this week it's mathematically possible? I'm confused...


That's all for this week's edition of Media Watch.

If you thought Semi was having a bad year...
Former Stormer Tawera Nikau has had his leg amputated.