Don't forget to wind your cock forward one hour*

*Shameless Googlewhoring or a careless typo? You decide.

Yes, it's that time of year again, where we sacrifice an hour of sleep on Saturday night. Or just turn up to work one hour late and claim ignorance. On the upside, we get daylight until 8 or 9pm.

Readers in Queensland or WA, assuming that they exist, will notice that their clocks stay the same, causing an inter-dimensional rift between the states. Which apparently can be hazardous if you happen to be crossing state borders at exactly 2am this morning.

Which raises a question that needs to be asked. Is the whole daylight savings shebang worth it, or are we just fooling ourselves? Time is just a arbitary set of numbers, so what's the point of changing them to give the illusion of an extra hour of sunlight each night?

I say we arbitarily set "sunrise" to 12:00pm, making "sunset" sometime around 3:00am for a month. Call it a social experiment to see if all the dole bludgers out there actually get up at sunrise. It's a tough choice - either get up when the sun starts shining or miss Oprah and Bold and the Beautiful? And would the so-called "normals" out there be able to get to sleep in broad daylight so they can get up to drive to work in pitch darkness?

Fucking with body clocks has hilarious results.

Sucking on an apple Chupa Chup.

GNf Tips: Derby Day

Saturday is Australia's richest raceday at Flemington, where the racing world's stars are out, and the crowd is out in force to sip champagne and show off their new outfits. And of course, to tip a winner or two.

My selections for FLEMINGTON SATURDAY:

Race 1: AL MAHER 1, Spirit of Tara 2, Danehill Express 3.
Race 2: ORATORIO 1, Fastnet Rock 2, Brannigan 3.
Race 3: RIZON 1, County Tyrone 2, Winning Belle 3.
Race 4: HOLLOW BULLET 1, Ballet Society 2, Kylikwong 3.
Race 5: ALINGHI (Best Bet) 1, Skewiff 2, Shamekha 3, Hec Of A Party 4, Infinite Grace 5.
Race 6: PLASTERED 1, Savabeel 2, Cedar Manor 3, Count Ricardo 4, Mr Martini 5.
Race 7: GRAND ARMEE 1, Balmuse 2, Confectioner 3, So Assertive 4, Zazzman 5.
Race 8: TAKEOVER TARGET 1, Lilando 2, Taikun 3, Legally Bay 4, Recapitalise 5.
Race 9: OSCA WARRIOR 1, Red Oog 2, Amtrak 3.

DISCLAIMER: GNf takes no legal responsibility for losses incurred following the advice of this web service. All care should be taken to check details at your local TAB outlet. Excessive gambling can cause personal problems for some people. If gambling is a problem for you, call 1800 156 789 for 24 hour 7 day free anonymous and confidential telephone advice.

Sleeping twelve hours a day. Very bad habit to get into.

We now resume your regular programming

I guess I owe you all some explanation for the complete absence of posting this week. Here's a list of various excuses for the lack of blogging. Pick and choose as you wish.

1. I turned 22 on Monday and was going through another one of those annoying mini-mid-life-crises.

2. I was too disillusioned by Mark Phillippoussis' infidelities to even get out of bed. My heart bleeds for gentle Delta, one of Australia's true treasures.

3. I've been caught up in the bi-annual torture that is getting my assignments done at the literal last minute. 4:59pm Friday week in this case.

4. I'm still recovering from the events of Tuesday night, which I will not elaborate on for legal reasons.

5. One word: Insaniqarium.

6. I've been in Seattle campaigning for John Kerry in the 2004 Presidential race. No, I'm not blowing smoke out your ass.

7. Food poisoning. One too many midnight Zingers went down badly.

8. I've been frantically rummaging through the bins at each and every one of Melbourne's metropolitan TAB outlets, searching for a discarded Savabeel ticket.

9. I've been watching every single episode of Seinfeld on DVD.

10. I've been SMSing Paris Hilton nonstop, sending her pics of has-been Aussie tennis stars in a desperate attempt to get into her pants. I think the Andrew Ille one did it for her.

GNf Tips: Cox Plate

This weekend all eyes turn to the Valley for Cox Plate Day.

My selections for MOONEE VALLEY SATURDAY:

Race 1: HAIRPIN 1, Creative Plan 2, Anyways Lucy 3.
Race 2: SEIDNAZAR 1, Rossa Glory 2, Quarterman 3.
Race 3: EMLOZZA 1, Rich Megadale 2, Miss Mooney Mooney 3.
Race 4: REGIMENTAL GAL 1, Bomber Bill 2, Dance The Waves 3.
Race 5: GAVALANIZED 1, Demerger 2, Bella Vichy 3.
Race 6: COUNTY TYRONE 1, Braeloch 2, Another Warrior 3.
Race 7: EVLSTROEM 1, Grand Armee 2, Regal Roller 3, Starcraft 4, Our Eygptian Raine 5.
Race 8: ZANKEL 1, Plastered 2, Classiconi 3.
Race 9: TRU GLO 1, Lad Of The Manor 2, This Manshood 3.
Race 10: TURAGA 1, Bulbasaur 2, Shadowmaker 3.

DISCLAIMER: GNf takes no legal responsibility for losses incurred following the advice of this web service. All care should be taken to check details at your local TAB outlet. Excessive gambling can cause personal problems for some people. If gambling is a problem for you, call 1800 156 789 for 24 hour 7 day free anonymous and confidential telephone advice.

Watching Seinfeld on DVD. Season 1 was rather average - luckily it got green-lighted for another season.

Flash Game of the Day

Following on from the Full House theme I present to you: Mary Kate Olsen's Crack-Man. Yeah, the gameplay is fairly predictable - a Mary Kate head snorting lines of cocaine instead of little white dots in classic Pac-Man style.

But it's worth it for the exchanges with Uncle Jesse, Uncle Joey and the gang that you get to see after completing every two levels.

Rediscovering my love of air conditioners. Welcome back Melbourne summer weather.

Iraqi militia can't bring themselves to execute Uncle Jesse

Wonder why those terrorists running amok in Iraq freed SBS journalist John Martinkus when others have been beheaded?

The media has reported that Martinkus' captors let him go once he established he was not with the US Army, and was actually opposed to the American occupation of country.

Interesting theory, but here's another scenario for you to consider: This was actually a case of mistaken identity.


Exhibit A

Despite the common perception that this ruthless group of Iraqi nationalists hate all things American, I suspect they might be closet fans of the saccharine sitcom Full House, in which "traditional American values" were most accurately portrayed.

Thinking they had captured John Stamos, best known as the lovable Uncle Jesse, they couldn't bring themselves to do it.

The fact that he hadn't had a shave in a few years didn't erase their memories of the times Jesse brought a smile to young Michelle's face or his constant witty barbs aimed at Kimmy Gibler.

Martinkus is just lucky he doesn't resemble someone these sitcom junkie terrorists might have decapitated - somehow I couldn't see them sparing a Paul Reiser or a Ray Romano.

Listening to Lou Reed - Satellite of Love (Dub Hands Mix)

Official slow news day post

Today I managed to fit in a solid 13 hours of TV, an unashamedly gluttonous feat I haven't been able to achieve since January. So that explains no post except for a post explaining a lack of posting. Which I do realise does consist a post, albeit a fairly crappy one. Enjoy!

So what did I watch? All episodes of The Practice Seven have screened on a biweekly basis over the past two months, last night's episode of The O.C., Neighbours, half of The Geena Davis Show, bits and pieces of three The Simpsons episodes, half a segment of The Price Is Right, two minutes of a hilarious A Current Affair "expose" on violent video games, two laughs worth of The Panel (no, I didn't watch the whole show) plus various news updates. Oh, and a third of Marty and Jess: An Outback Wedding (which is nowhere near as amusing as Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's wonderful show I might add - pity they're getting a divorce).

Mindless, Addictive Game of the Day

Whether you suffer from insomnia, want to kill some time at work/uni or are just plain bored, there's always a new addictive online game somewhere just waiting to devour those hours and hours of what could be productive time.

The new flavour of the month is called AstroPop. It's similar to classic puzzlers Columns and Dr Mario. Or if you've never heard of those, imagine playing Tetris with a vaccum cleaner. Confused? It's simple, just match up coloured blocks and do it faster and faster each level until you develop RSI.

Play it online or download the "deluxe" (aka we'll give you a trial version and get you hooked to try to get your money) version at PopCap, the makers of other fine addictive timekillers such as Bejeweled and Dynomite.

I keep getting to Level 10 before it all gets too much for me and I collapse like a nervous wreck, frustrated and unsatisfied. Then it's back to Level 1.

Watched my first full episode of Six Feet Under last night. One of those shows that I know are great and always mean to get into but have only ever half-watched.

Thought for Monday

Why is it so much harder to get up at 12pm than it is at 7am?

Tabloidising Delta Goodrem and Mark Philippoussis's romance is on the rocks.

Only 15 betting days until Cup Day

Melbourne Cup Day that is. For the keener racing fans, we still have Cup meetings at
Geelong, Sale, Murwillumbah, Sapphire Coast, Coonabarabran, Werribee, Berrigan and Kilmore harness to run before the barriers open for that particular 3200m handicap at Flemington.

And isn't the nation in full swing getting into the seasonal activity of punting on the the horsies? Australians spent $500,000 on Saturday on the Mystery 6, a bet type which involved no picking of horses whatsoever. Six random horses for each of the six races. You'd more chance of making $1 million by giving your bank account details to that friendly fellow in Nigeria who's been emailing you lately.

As I begrudgingly had to work during the Caulfield Cup meeting, my only way of getting results was from the random curses or cheers from my supervisor coming back from the car park, who coincidentally scheduled his breaks at the strange times of 2:40, 3:20, 4:05 and 4:50. For the record, GNf's offical quaddie upheld the tradition of getting three out of four legs correct. (You're a worthless nag, Besame Mucho. Hang your head in shame, D. Oliver.)

Next on the menu: Australia's best (not biggest) horse race - the W.S. Cox Plate.

Listening to Franz Ferdinand's new single - why does the backing tune remind me specifically of arcade game music - a street/alley level in of those scrollers where you have to beat up everything that moves then walk onto the next screen?

Man-boobs all the rage in China

Perhaps Mark Latham should consider running for leadership in China, if this latest trend is anything to go by.

From Reuters UK: SHANGHAI (Reuters) - Breast implants are becoming more and more popular with a surprising group of Shanghai citizens -- men.

The Shanghai Daily said on Wednesday that most of the male patients seeking implants in China's financial hub wanted to impress women, or clients, or in some cases their boss.

Want to impress clients? Nothing clinches the deal like whipping out your new pair of man-boobs. If only Keating had realised this piece of vital business acumen when forging closer relations with our Asian neighbours, imagine the pull Alexander Downer would have in Beijing today. (violent shudder)

"To be frank, surgery is unnecessary," Liu Chunlong, from the Shanghai Ren'ai Hospital, was quoted as saying.

"Physical exercise can create the same effect and it is safer."

He said the hospital had received 40 patients this year and operated on 10, compared with just two or three such operations last year.

He said many of the patients had psychological problems.

Men wanting to undergo surgery to increase breast size having psychological problems...Who woulda thunk it?

Sipping hot coffee with Baileys... a delightful treat for "last drinks".

GNf Tips: Caulfield Cup

It's Caulfield Cup time already, doesn't the year just fly by? I've been studying up on the form and come up with some guaranteed ways for you to drop some coin. Happy punting and for the Tattslotto fans who can't tell a formguide from a stock exchange list, jump on a Mystery 6.

My selections for CAULFIELD SATURDAY:

Race 1: JOHAN'S TOY 1, Find The Cash 2, Truly Wicked 3.
Race 2: SPIRIT OF TARA 1, Spriggan 2, Picket Fence 3.
Race 3: MARNIE D'OR 1, Chalkboard 2, Pawie 3.
Race 4: CEDAR MANOR 1, Lady of the Desert 2, Ricardo 3.
Race 5: DIAMOND JAKE 1, Under The Bridge 2, Dancing Daggers 3.
Race 6: OUR EYGPTIAN RAINE (Best Bet) 1, Skewiff 2, Solar Antiquity 3.
Race 7: BESAME MUCHO 1, Oratorio 2, Strikeline 3.
Race 8: MUMMIFY 1, Elvstroem 2, Hugs Dancer 3, Desert War 4, Confectioner 5.
Race 9: LORD VOLSKRAAD 1, Cahuita 2, Amtrak 3.
Race 10: COVET THEE 1, Zakynthos Star 2, Carlton Spirit 3.

Official GNf Quaddie: 1,5 / 4,11 / 1,5,7,10,13 / 5,6,8. Cost: $30 for 50c

DISCLAIMER: GNf takes no legal responsibility for losses incurred following the advice of this web service. All care should be taken to check details at your local TAB outlet. Excessive gambling can cause personal problems for some people. If gambling is a problem for you, call 1800 156 789 for 24 hour 7 day free anonymous and confidential telephone advice.

Tasting the taste of New Orleans. When will I learn?: Midnight Colonel's run does not a settled next day stomach make.

The top five...

...songs I'd rather chew shards of broken glass rather than listen to yet again

Ashlee Simpson - Pieces of Me

Missy Higgins - Scar

Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved

Gavin DeGraw - I Don't Want To Be

Anastacia - Left Outside Alone

Constant hours of forced listening to commercial radio at work will do that to you.

Watching an old episode of Blue Heelers. Sad.

Paris says 'no' to gratuitous nudity

There goes Paris Hilton's promising film career...

From NEWS.com.au: PARTY girl Paris Hilton says she refuses to shed her clothes for the camera despite her infamous role in an amateur porn movie.

No nudity ... Paris Hilton wants to be taken seriously as an actress.

The 23-year-old hotel heiress and star of reality TV series The Simple Life wants to be taken seriously as an actress and rules out taking part in nude scenes.

"No way, I would never strip for a movie. I would never do anything like that. I have studied acting for years," British website Ananova quoted her as saying.

What'll odds she'll reconsider this stance and become a full-blown (excuse the pun) hardcore porn star in five years time when Hollywood has found another "it" nymphette to milk for dollars?

Watching Wheel of Fortune. It is just my TV or have Steve Oemcke's teeth been whitened to the point of fluorescence? Flicking to Larry Emdur...

GNf Tips: Thousand Guineas

Midweek racing is at Caulfield where we have a chance to build the bank in preparation for Cup Day on Saturday.

My selections for CAULFIELD WEDNESDAY:

Race 1: BRILLIANT LAD 1, Danger Looms 2, Seidnazar 3.
Race 2: FLYING DANSINO 1, Diamond Masque 2, Izanami 3.
Race 3: MANDEZOUS 1, Dover Heights 2, Blazing Jeune 3.
Race 4: SURE BET 1, Goodfella 2, Gallic 3.
Race 5: ALINGHI 1 (Best Bet), Wager 2, Hollow Bullet 3.
Race 6: SHIVIRGO 1, Blessum 2, Green Pick 3.
Race 7: DEMERGER 1, Umber 2, Galvanized 3.
Race 8: MUTATE 1, Smart Arch 2, Bruges 3.

DISCLAIMER: GNf takes no legal responsibility for losses incurred following the advice of this web service. All care should be taken to check details at your local TAB outlet. Excessive gambling can cause personal problems for some people. If gambling is a problem for you, call 1800 156 789 for 24 hour 7 day free anonymous and confidential telephone advice.

Listening to International Affair. Tuesdays @ 7pm on 90.7 SYN FM.

Wherever there's anti-American sentiment, there's always Mecca Cola

Regular readers will know of Mecca Cola, but for those who have just tuned in, here's a quick recap:

Muslim cola lovers who enjoy the real thing but don't enjoy funding Uncle Sam's activities in the Middle East have been presented with an alternative. Remember the clear cola fad back in 1994? In 2004, we have clear-conscience cola. While the idea may be original, the branding certainly isn't. While the Mecca Cola company denounces the political leanings of Coca-Cola, its branding is nothing more than a blatant rip-off. Exhibit A: cheap knockoffs of Coke and its beverage brethen Fanta and Sprite. Oh and it's halal - whether or not authentic Coke is non-halal nobody knows.

So now you're up to speed here's the latest promotion from Mecca Cola...

Besides its ubiquity, Coca-Cola is probably known best known for its promotions. Celebrity endorsements, merchandising, competitions. Anything to link the Coke name with the concept of fun times, friendship and of course the capitalist ideal of greed ... winning free stuff! Mecca Cola has taken this idea and upped the ante.

In keeping with its Muslim traditions, Mecca Cola's website has released a series of limited edition fatwahs. But whether they are aimed at bringing down Coke, Pepsi, Bush or Blair, I don't know. If anyone can read Arabic, I'd love a translation of these.

Oh, and the final irony. Apparently Mecca Cola is now so popular, it is attracting imitators. Its site warns to consumers to beware of counterfeits!

Listening to Armand van Helden's new album: "New York: A Mix Odyessey". It's basically a personal mix tape made up of a few of his new hits (Hear My Name, MyMyMy), recent dance stuff from Klonhertz and Felix Da Housecat, and classic hits like Soft Cell's Tainted Love, the original pre-Spiderbait Black Betty, and even some Blondie for good measure!

Product of the Day: Bong Water

Welcome, consumers, to GNf's Product of the Day segment where we look at an interesting new product that may be coming to stores near you. Imagine Moira on GMA flogging stuff you'd actually buy, rather than vacuum cleaners or "amazing" 101-in-1 8-bit video games systems.

First off the rank comes Bong Water, an "energized soft drink", which I assume is a cross between an energy drink and a soft drink.

Bong Water comes in a variety of drug abuse-themed flavours including "The Original 420 Chronic Tonic", "Cottonmouth Quencher", "Rasta Cherry" and "Julie Netherton's Treehugger Chugger". The marketing angle is a little strange: cashing in on the marijuana niche Jay and Silent Bob (nee Cheech and Chong)-style is one thing, but expecting people to drink a product named "bong water" is another.

Now I know what all of you who in some altered state have been conned into drinking authentic bong water will be thinking. The answer is no. This product isn't made from real bong water. The Original 420 Chronic Tonic, is, however, brewed from real beer concentrate, yet it's not alcoholic.

Sounds like the product idea came from a couple of stoners sitting around trying to make home brew, giving up halfway and then carbonating the batch and adding sugar, caffeine and all the other chemicals you need to make a unique-tasting soft drink.

Reviews of Bong Water show its many of its flavours to be acquired tastes. But who can admit to loving Dr Pepper from their first sip?

Right now it's only available in Florida and Indiana. Petition your local American import store and we may someday be able to experience the taste of pure Bong Water down under.

Watching some slapper wail an appalling rendition of The Beatles' "We Can Work It Out" on Australian Idol. I've only seen bits and pieces of the show, but I just don't get the whole Idol thing. Surely anyone entertained by this sort of thing would be better off going to a karaoke night at the local RSL? Or is that part of the appeal?

Three more years of Little John (pending Costello tag-team action)

Yawn. Another Federal election, another coalition landslide victory.

And isn't Uncle Ray loving it? Highlights of the Nine coverage have been ultra-newsworthy live crosses to Reg Reagan at the Wentworth Park greyhound track, and the eternal question: would you rather wake up in bed with Amanda Vanstone or Alexander Downer in drag? After tonight's coverage, I'm opting towards the latter.

Over on Aunty, Kerry is having a quiet cry and letting the others run the show.

Now I think we all just want to see Latham go nuts taxi-driver style in his surrender speech. Go out with a bang.

Watching red bars, blue bars, and swings. And there's double the graph, bar and piechart action on Channel 90 on digital.

Vote [1] some guy, then vote [2] some other guy...

Tomorrow Australians get to exercise their democratic right. So what does this triannual ritual actually consist of? Attending your local school or community hall which is unrecognisably plastered with posters of ugly middle-aged men and women awkwardly posing in front of the Australian flag. You'll be bombarded with free balloons and a Tasmanian forest worth of flyers telling you which box to write which numbers in. So many numbers, so many boxes. The senate paper is getting closer to the size of a toilet roll each year.

I could just go into the polling booth and order my numbers based on whoever's name looks best at the time like I'm sure a lot of Australians do. But let's take some time to look at the eight candidates standing in my local seat of Jagajaga.

If you live in one of the other 149 federal electorates and want some quality analysis of your candidates, I suggest you check out the ABC Election site.

This is the way I may* decide to vote for the candidates standing for the Seat of Jagajaga (in ballot order):

BARTON, Jennifer (Family First)
52 year old office administrator from Montmorency. Family First would have to be the "new One Nation" of this election. From endorsed lesbian burning to dodgy preference deals in South Australia, to a denounced affiliation with religious group Hillsongs Australia. Vote [8] ultra-conversative Christian nutbags.

MACKLIN, Jenny (Australian Labor Party)
50 year old current MP. Latham's number two woman. Should be safe in the seat, and could even be Australia's first female PM. Reversing the 25% increase in HECS fees her number one campaigning tool. Vote [1]

INMAN, Woodrow (Liberal Party)
27 year old from Rosanna. Works in a bookshop and has studied International Trade. And are we meant to believe this guy's name is actually Woodrow? Sounds like he copied Bart Simpson and took it out of some NHL Yearbook. Vote [7]

LELE, Stephen (Citizens Electoral Lobby)
36 year old motorcycle mechanic from Montmorency. Wants to develop the region's roads and infrastructure. How about doing something about the bikie hoons that feel it's their right to do 150 on the Ring Road and swerve past cars? Website has a statue of a horse on it. WTF? Vote [6]

HAYWARD, Cate (Democrats)
29 year old nurse from Montmorency. Health and education her big concerns. Democrats in shambles but still seem more sensible than most of the other options. Vote [3]

SCHOREL-HLAVKA, Gary (Aged and Disability Pensioners' Party)
57 year old pensioner/author from Viewbank. Party I've never heard of and can't seem to find any info on. Long hyphenated and foreign sounding name. Hmm. Has to rank ahead of Howard and the Christian/nutbag parties. Vote [4]

ARDIN, Don (The Greens)
47 year old plumber from Greensborough. The Greens have actually run a solid campaign this year, and apparently this bloke has been seen at the local railway station on at least one occasion. Good on him. And a Green from Greensborough too. Sounds more convincing than someone from a place that doesn't have Green in its name. Vote [2]

MINSTER, Barry (Ex Service, Service and Veterans Party)
Semi-retired broadcast television engineer from Kew. Kew! How about actually living in the electorate if you expect some votes. Oh, and their website looks like it's been made by a Year 8 Info Tech student who got a D for it. Vote [5]

*Or I might just exercise my democratic right to play eeny meeny miny moe. Depends how I feel at the voting booth.

Listening to Armand van Helden - My, My, My.

GNf Tips: Caulfield Guineas

Want to partake in the annual Spring ritual of filling Tabcorp's coffers? Don't know what to back? Let us here at GNf help you out. The Spring Carnival's first day is Classic Caulfield, where the best three-year-olds in the country battle it out for a slice of a $1mil pie in the Guineas.

My expert* selections for CAULFIELD SATURDAY:

Race 1: VOLITANT 1, Significant Hill 2, Fraar Noon 3.

Race 2: HARLEY MA 1, Great Is Great 2, Mr. Magoo 3.

Race 3: WORLD PEACE 1, Tahni Girl 2, Unabated 3.

Race 4: TAIKUN (Best Bet) 1, Azevedo 2, Regimental Girl 3.

Race 5: TALL TIMBERS 1, Grey Song 2, Zazzman 3.

Race 6: FASTNET ROCK 1, Classiconi 2, Charge Forward 3.

Race 7: GRAND ARMEE 1, Starcraft 2, Mummify 3.

Race 8: OSCA WARRIOR 1, Regal Roller 2, This Manshood 3.

Race 9: SOLAR ANTIQUITY 1, Dea 2, Diamond Hailey 3.

*okay, so I didn't make the grid with the likes of Tim Habel and Michael Manley.

Happy punting all you racing fans and gambling addicts!

DISCLAIMER: GNf takes no legal responsibility for losses incurred following the advice of this web service. All care should be taken to check details at your local TAB outlet. Excessive gambling can cause personal problems for some people. If gambling is a problem for you, call 1800 156 789 for 24 hour 7 day free anonymous and confidential telephone advice.

Playing Minigolf on Sony Ericsson. My hi-score is down to 35.

Plug it in, plug it in, baby...

...your radio, that is. Tune in to International Affair hosted by the blogosphere's main man when it comes to bhangra beats, AgentFareEvader.


Tonight. 7pm. Only on Melbourne's 90.7 SYN FM.

Now who said Eddie McGuire had cornered the market on gratuitious plugs?

Not watching Daryl Somers' new dance-contest/reality/variety excrapaganza Seven are serving up tonight. If there's no smart-arse ostrich or at very least a lunatic in a duck suit to play off Daryl the straight man, count me out.

How much are you getting?

Mix three or four hours sleep a night with working like a Japanese beaver for up to twelve hours six days straight, and something has got to give.

Tonight I found myself nodding off in the comfort of one of Connex's beautifully furnished carriages. You know that sort of light train sleep where you are jolted and wake back up every stop by that sanitised female voice droning "The next station is Heidelberg. Heidelberg."

Australians might find it a little strange to see people openly sleeping in public. However, in other cultures it is quite common...

Watching Sex And the City. Something about that show just puts a smile on my face. The comic timing is great, and the sassy one-liners hit dead on, unlike most "traditional" sitcoms.

When is the DVD box set coming out?

A third Paris Hilton tape is coming soon to a P2P network near you.

As reported by Uncle Rupert's lofty bastion of UK journalism, News of the World, a new tape reportedly circulating features a massive 12 hours of The Simple Life star going at it with a number of ex-boyfriends including Backstreet Boy Nick Carter.

According to sources claiming to have viewed portions of the tape, they fuck like rabbits in a car, in a club, a hotel room and anywhere else they please, with roving commentary from Paris' gal-pal Nicole Richie.

It will be interesting to see if the whole 12 hours surfaces somewhere on Kazaa. I've done the maths and in decent video quality mpeg, such a file would be around 7 GB.

I'm betting on a The Winners-style 30 minute highlights package featuring the best moments, preferably narrated by Peter Landy and Drew Morphett. Save the full 12 hours for a DVD release.

On the topic of tabloid trash, the Nick and Jessica Googlewhoring is really paying off. On Saturday, this blog achieved an all-time record for daily unique hits (213) - which isn't a lot compared to some bloggers out there, but is a figure that rests quite well with me. The masses have spoken.

Should I sell my soul and start appealling to the lowest common denominator in true Herald Sun-style, or continue peddling my petty observations to a small, loyal band of followers? You decide.

Watching Audition, a Japanese horror flick on SBS. Nihonogo de terebi o miteru no ha natsukashii!